Wedding trends -2010

If you are in the process of planning a wedding, you are likely following the current "trends" - whether they be about style of dress, type of reception or floral bouquets. Since I work with people preparing for marriage, I like to follow these trends as well and have recently observed some interesting themes emerging.



Probably most notable is a scaling back of expenditures due to the current economy. There are lots of articles and advice for how to spend less on each aspect of your wedding. Then there's the "green" trend - how to be mindful of the environment and the "footprint" of your wedding on the earth. Further, I hear more about a more relaxed atmosphere at the wedding - from the joyous, celebratory entrance of the bride and groom that enthralled millions (and made us smile) on YouTube to the less formal, more casual and even downright silly wedding portraits.



Do these trends have anything in common? Are they reflecting some different ideas on the nature of weddings, of marriage and of life in general? I think the answer to these questions is yes and in our difficiult times, there maybe some reasons for optimism.



Prior to the economic downturn, there seemed to be an increasing trend of vast expenditures on weddings and of course among some, there remains a desire to have the most expensive or elaborate designer wedding gown, jewelry, etc. But many of us have been brought back to earth by the tougher times and it has forced us to review our values. We can have a wonderful wedding without going into massive debt; we can pay attention to the environment and feel good about it while enjoying our celebrations; and we can focus on more fully enjoying our present rather than obsess about the perfection in photographs and details.



And as we tune in to these values, we more readily recognize the importance of our relationships with others and the marriage itself. I've noted recently that couples in pre-marital counseling (http://www.smoothrelations.com) seem to be more aware of their values and how their wedding is a reflection of that. I'm also hearing a little less of a singular focus on the wedding and more interest in creating an environment for a satisfying and long-lasting marriage. These are trends I can get excited about.

Engagement over the holidays

Have you just become engaged over the holidays? Congratulations - it's an exciting time! But you're probably already learning that it doesn't take long for the first stresses about wedding planning to appear. As observed by William Doherty, who co-wrote Take Back Your Wedding with his daughter, the pure elation of a new engagement can last for as little as fifteen minutes. As soon as you share the news with family members, the questions begin: When will you have the wedding? Where will it be? How large will it be? Who will pay for it? etc., etc.


And after the initial questions, the differing ideas, opinions and conflicts emerge. You're dealing not only with your family but with your fiance's as well. You've waited a long time to enjoy planning this special event, just the way you envision it, and now you have so many other people to consider. In the coming months, you will share some special moments with these people and will likely become frustrated and aggravated by them. You will get to know a lot more about all of them, for better or worse. You will also learn more about your fiance, your relationship and about yourself.


This is an important time in your life, not only because you are planning a big event, but because it is the start of planning your marriage together. If you use the time well, you can grow in your relationships, ability to handle stress and sense of accomplishment. In my counseling practice over the years, I have witnessed both wonderfully positive and disastrously negative things occur over the course of wedding planning. A few of the stories are outlined on my website, smoothrelations.com. Feel free to add some of your own here so others can benefit. Enjoy your engagement and consider it a great learning opportunity!